OK peeps. I promised you another post about the toilet habits of a species of animals called Human beings and here it is (also my last post was rubbish).There are 2 other things that really annoy me when going to the toilet and those are huge massive skid marks in the pan and a "Big Job" floating in a yellow sea of urine and topped off with a generous helping of invisible toilet paper.
First, let's do the skids. We all do it, and don't try and deny it. Sometimes, after a particularly ferocious bowl movement I stand up, and take a step back to admire my handywork. Often I think of it as art, something even Damian Hirst would be proud of. But other times I look on with horror at the foul behemoth that I have unleashed upon the world. After spending some time to take in the sight, I duly grab the brush and scrub away, knowing full well that the next movement could create another unique masterpiece. So why do other people find it so hard to clean up after themselves? It's not a frickin' art exhibition, critics from the London Times, or the New York Post are not going to come and admire your latest masterpiece. NO. The only person that will see it is me, and then I have to look at you muddy corn mix. What makes it worse is that if I am going for a wee, I get the uncontrollable urge to aim for the skid and pray to God that it releases it's hold on the porcelain and slides down into a watery grave. If I am going for plopsies, then I have to waste my time flushing and scrubbing the bowl because you have decided to leave the mundane life as an office clerk and become an artist. Dirty, dirty little bugger.
Next is the most mysterious phenomenon of all. The poo, the wee and the invisible toilet paper (or lack of!). This, not only being disgusting is also a complete mystery to me and I would dearly love to know who creates these. I find it intriguing that you don't need to wipe and am guessing that you may do something which totally abhors and that is the finger test. YES, the finger test. What that involves is dropping your guts then taking one of your clean and unprotected fingers and touchinng your bum hole with it. If it comes away clean you pull up your strides and walk away without flushing. But what if it is not clean? What do you then? Trying to work this one out is amlost like trying to figure out if the Yeti is real. We've seen some evidence but just cannot prove it either way.
There you go, not as much of a rant as last time, probably because it is around 35 outside and the heat is making me sleepy and lethargic. Hope you enjoyed this post and keep the comments coming. I love to read what people think.
2 comments:
Don't be insulted!! The content is all good, just the way I worded it all is rubbish. The post lacked a certain literary sexiness that I am normally associated with.
I liked this post, several good points well made. Am thoroughly disturbed, however, at the revelation of the finger test. I did not know that this phenomenon existed. Thankyou for your informative and enlightening post.
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